well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
