"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Someone shit on the floor
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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