I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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