Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize