Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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