After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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