Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
