sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
