Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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