TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize