There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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