Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
