Having a random hookup so left but love u
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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