he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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