If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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