Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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