You just made me feel so damn special
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
