I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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