Fuck appropriateness.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
