i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
