Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
