fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
