I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
No subtext here. People are naked.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
