i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
