I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
