his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize