Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
lol hangovers are for mortals.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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