Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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