I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
