I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
