I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
