Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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