What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
