now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
