How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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