no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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