I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
