Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
