i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
