cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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