I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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