honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize