Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
