We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
