you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
