I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
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