dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
