More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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