final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
