i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
