so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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