I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
