Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
