Are we in a gay sports bar?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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