I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
When did angry sex become our thing?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize