Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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