I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
