I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Randomize
