id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
my being single is dangerous.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
