yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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