definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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