Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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