Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
