pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
That accounts for only three of the penises
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
