To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
