It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
