Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
