my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
