i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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