The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
