Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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