As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We talked him into tasing himself.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
