Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
