Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
