honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
