It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
